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Do the Motionless, Yah
Dec 4th, 2007 by Michael Chalk

Do the Nut Bush. Do the Funky Gibbon. Do the Expressive Chicken. Yah!

Or .. Do the Motionless Standstill.
It’s the latest craze.
Mm-hm, the Stock-still (apparently).

Would you believe the Very Slow Robot?
The Freeze Frame? The Matrix Slow-Mo?

Sigh! Will i ever live this down? Standing still on a dancefloor !?
No way .. i wasn’t .. i didn’t .. those people, they’re being disingenuous!


Look i’m sorry you got called ‘paranoid’.
i know you’re just Normal within a Paranoid Society.
Can’t we just be mates? Maaaaate?

That’s it for me and dancefloors, we’re over!
I’m just going to sit still at a table with my beer and a my mates,
staring at the chicks on the chequered squares
.. like a Normal Aussie Bloke.

“You say, Everything’s All right. I Say, Nothing can go right Babe. Chequered Love.”
Yah. Right.

(images: thanks Carf and aardvaark)

Catch up: the story so far
Dec 1st, 2007 by Michael Chalk

If you’ve just tuned in, i’ve been writing because my story appeared in newspapers around Australia (and Europe): cairns, brisbane, adelaide, sydney, melbourne, perth, tassie, england, the.uk, ireland and yes – sweden. (plus: front cover of cairns post! pdf 900kb)

This was a bit of a buzz for me, especially as the story was faintly ridiculous. People get kicked out of pubs all the time for being not-what-the-locals-ordered. Or a bit weird. Maybe even “socially undesirable”. In fact an Indigenous woman got kicked out the same pub five minutes before i did – and her face didn’t get in the media, did it?

Yes i got kicked out of a pub for having a book with me. A book with the T-word in the title. Plus wires hanging out me pocket. And staring in shock when that dark-skinned lady got chucked out the door. She was a good dancer.

The locals thought i was going to blow the place up. Apparently.

My friend Avril was shocked and wrote a letter to the Editor of the Cairns Post who found it a worthy headline and chased me down. Thank heavens i had the wits in the interview to pose as a tosser, and claim that i was “Absolutely flabbergasted”. Yeah, go michael !

Many people, gathered around water coolers, found this to be a sign that we’ve lost the plot, gone to hell in a hand-basket, and that hard-right governments are turning to tyranny. Also that the government and media hype is really about subduing Western populations and centralising control.

Following this, the people of Australia kicked out their conservative government. Yeah, go The People!

So, what do you think? Are we on track? Should we be going to war to stop all this anti-civilian violence. Rounding up folk who look different? Surrendering our civil rights in the interests of public safety? Sending suspects overseas where we can torture them ‘legally’?

Time to get some ring-ins .. yep just ring this number and chat to us now .. oh how do i make the switchboard work?

(images: thanks for takin it to the banksy by guano at flickr)

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